Tuesday, May 15, 2012

A big announcement

nope. Not pregnant.
(say it with me now: phew.)

But I am CONSIDERING........

Going jogging. 

In actual work out attire. (yes, I own some. I think. Somewhere. Oh yes - all these black stretch pants I call "pajamas"...)


(small disclaimer - Im having a small "skinny fat" related melt down. Im going to lay on the couch with a bag of chips hoping this "need to get fit" feeling passes. If not, I may attempt to start exercising. On a regular basis. Until of course I am actually pregnant at which point I will stop working out immediately in favor of lying next to the toilet, which, in my experience has burned more calories per day than any other method.)

Dang you Pinterest. Its all your fault.

Let it be known that the number is irrelevant. Im around 120 and LOOK NOTHING LIKE THAT SHE MAN ON THE RIGHT.
Id settle for a little less arm flab and a slightly trimmed muffin top. Im not shooting for anything extreme - just a cuter double chin! Is that so much to ask for??!!!


So I may as well be REALLY honest. Since Ive already uttered the dirty word exercise on here, which is in direct violation of all my personal beliefs as a bacon lover. But the truth is....Im turning 30 in a few weeks. 

There. Honesty. Are you happy now?

So. Im halfway to 60.  Big deal. Except....that I can get my jeans ON but they dont quite look RIGHT. Also, I was in Utah over the weekend and saw my naked self in the hotel bathroom 360 degree mirror and NEARLY CHOKED ON MY DOMINOS PIZZA SLICE.

What? Dont act like you dont eat pizza for breakfast at 6 am in the shower! Thats totally normal! The hard part is keeping the water from ruining your diet coke. I digress....

Anyway, Im a shopper and here I was on my annual pilgrimage to H&M and it was all I could do to not sob in the dressing rooms! what had gotten in to me?? H&M is the happiest place on earth for a girl like me. Nothing but Gay men for miles! But there I was, totally depressed. I had to eat a pretzel to recover on my way to California Pizza Kitchen for lunch.

Now partly this issue im having is  because of my luscious melon breasts (for you Jayna) that are the rather unfortunate side effect of nursing a 7 month old that eats like a small wildebeest. I can recognize that in order to sustain his proper nourishment, I must take in around 2500+ calories a day. However, Im taking in roughly 4000. Truthfully. And I dont think Im fat. Or even overweight. I just FEEL gross. And none of my clothes fit. And Im 30.  

So yeah. Im going to go for a run. No big deal right? Ill let you know if I need meals brought in for my family this month because I cant get out of bed afterwards. Also, neighbors if you see me hobbling around the cul de sac gasping for breath dont call 911 or hurry up and bust open your food storage because now you KNOW the second coming is like, tomorrow.

Its just me. Exercising.


jayna said...

May I compliment you on your luscious melon breasts?

Thank you, Jerry! Thank you!

(Oh best in show...)

Go for it. The run I mean. But the thing is, even running everyday, no one looks like that ripped She-man. That is a combo of 3 hours of daily exercise, hard core weights, zero carbs and sadly, NO fat...

No thanks.

Sherry said...

well better you than me. I went jogging the day before we went to Utah (I went to get the mail and just felt like it) not the whole way - maybe just a few blocks really - but I am suffering with shin spits now so be careful!

Anna Beal said...

I want to join you. We can try to loose some of this skinny fat together. I've been drinking green smoothies for breakfast and it's amazing how much better I feel during the day. Let me know and we can try this together :)

Mitzi Cannon said...

So funny. Kels is running the Mesa Falls Half marathon in the end of August. Are you feeling really crazy? If you are, you should do it. I'm tempted to do it again, although training for a marathon and running a marathon while nursing is annoying. I know, I did it with Gabby. Also, my knees are jacked. I'm just not sure if running is in my future or not. I definitely have some lingering Piper pounds for sure so I should do something about that. hmmm... I think I'm going to eat some Amish bread. Don't be jealous!

Kristy said...

Woo Hoo for running! I trained for about 5 minutes, raced, and now I am a lazy again! Argh! I never even lost weight while training since I eat 4000 calories a day also. I'll run if you run.

Jana said...

Do it! I'm mostly a wannabe runner; my pace is laughable but I love having an excuse for a girls' night four times a week and I honestly do feel so much better (mentally and physically) when I do it consistently. My main goal is do get that awesome balance where I can eat whatever I want and it will be counteracted by a half-hour of jogging in the evening... not sure that balance even exists, but whatev. I'd settle for the 'slightly trimmed muffin top' too :).

Jen said...

I'm just lurking around in here! I love to come here for a good laugh and you have provided that for me today! So I say thanks a million! Good luck with the running .

kecia said...

you crack me up! love you!