nope. Not pregnant.
(say it with me now: phew.)
But I am CONSIDERING........
In actual work out attire. (yes, I own some. I think. Somewhere. Oh yes - all these black stretch pants I call "pajamas"...)
WISH ME LUCK!
(small disclaimer - Im having a small "skinny fat" related melt down. Im going to lay on the couch with a bag of chips hoping this "need to get fit" feeling passes. If not, I may attempt to start exercising. On a regular basis. Until of course I am actually pregnant at which point I will stop working out immediately in favor of lying next to the toilet, which, in my experience has burned more calories per day than any other method.)
Dang you Pinterest. Its all your fault.
Let it be known that the number is irrelevant. Im around 120 and LOOK NOTHING LIKE THAT SHE MAN ON THE RIGHT.
Id settle for a little less arm flab and a slightly trimmed muffin top. Im not shooting for anything extreme - just a cuter double chin! Is that so much to ask for??!!!
CURSE YOU SWIMSUIT SEASON!
So I may as well be REALLY honest. Since Ive already uttered the dirty word exercise on here, which is in direct violation of all my personal beliefs as a bacon lover. But the truth is....Im turning 30 in a few weeks.
There. Honesty. Are you happy now?
So. Im halfway to 60. Big deal. Except....that I can get my jeans ON but they dont quite look RIGHT. Also, I was in Utah over the weekend and saw my naked self in the hotel bathroom 360 degree mirror and NEARLY CHOKED ON MY DOMINOS PIZZA SLICE.
What? Dont act like you dont eat pizza for breakfast at 6 am in the shower! Thats totally normal! The hard part is keeping the water from ruining your diet coke. I digress....
Anyway, Im a shopper and here I was on my annual pilgrimage to H&M and it was all I could do to not sob in the dressing rooms! what had gotten in to me?? H&M is the happiest place on earth for a girl like me. Nothing but Gay men for miles! But there I was, totally depressed. I had to eat a pretzel to recover on my way to California Pizza Kitchen for lunch.
Now partly this issue im having is because of my luscious melon breasts (for you Jayna) that are the rather unfortunate side effect of nursing a 7 month old that eats like a small wildebeest. I can recognize that in order to sustain his proper nourishment, I must take in around 2500+ calories a day. However, Im taking in roughly 4000. Truthfully. And I dont think Im fat. Or even overweight. I just FEEL gross. And none of my clothes fit. And Im 30.
So yeah. Im going to go for a run. No big deal right? Ill let you know if I need meals brought in for my family this month because I cant get out of bed afterwards. Also, neighbors if you see me hobbling around the cul de sac gasping for breath dont call 911 or hurry up and bust open your food storage because now you KNOW the second coming is like, tomorrow.
Its just me. Exercising.