Product #1 : The Baby Leash. I am sorry to say that I have seen these in action - and am terrified to report their apparent popularity - seeing as you can even order one up from your local Target store.
Product #2 : Baby Cologne. Yes, you read that correctly. Now you can buy a bottle of perfume to freshen up your foul smelling child. How crazy is that? Last time I checked, that new baby smell didnt make me vomit. And somehow I just cant hear the women at Church saying "what is that smell? Oh its that stinky Beal baby again..gosh I wish they would spritz it with a little something.."
Product #3 : Now this one is a doozy. Go ahead and google it, it really does exist. Its called a "BABY SHAKER" and it targets women who want to share with the world every time their baby moves - without letting people touch them. For "SHY" women it says. You place this suction cup thingy on your belly, and when the baby moves or kicks, it triggers the little bells to ring. Now call me crazy - but If I were too shy to let people touch me, I certainly wouldnt be strapping a giant yellow noise maker to myself. Way to blend in lady. REAL SUBTLE.
Product #4 : The Baby Hanger. Apparently there is a growing number of parents who lose their children in bathrooms. Next time you have to go...you simply hang up your purse, your coat - and then your CHILD. And it happily dangles along the filthy stall wall - and holds the roll of toilet paper for you. And the way parents can be forgetful, there's always a chance -- no matter how remote -- that someone might accidentally leave their kid on the wall. Do you want to live in a world where an unsuspecting person can walk into a bathroom stall, close the door and come face-to-face with an angry toddler?
Product #5 : "BABY SPA". Leave it to the British to reinvent the wheel. Does anyone else see a baby in a bucket??? And well, I have to say the drowning risk is slightly off the charts here. The best part you ask? It costs $40.00
Product #6 - The Bedwetter Alarm. As if peeing your pants wasnt humiliating enough...now they have come up with an electrical device that shrieks in the night if it senses urine. Can you imagine the babysitter going through the bedtime routine with your kid? Ok, go brush your teeth, put on your pajamas, and strap the pee detector to yourself - and then ill come tuck you in. Some part of me HAS to believe there is a shock risk here...and of all the places to be slightly electrocuted in the night, it has to be the worst I can think of! And well, im sure it also makes you sterile. * Also note, that it only pictures a boy child. Because girls are smart enough to NOT pee on themselves.
And for the grand finale - product # 7 - "THE WEE BLOCKER". One step ahead is selling these for $13.00. What is it you ask? A cup to catch your spraying baby's urine. Now dont ask me why the good old fashioned diaper isnt good enough, or a towel or burp rag laying nearby. How retarded of a diaper changer can you be???? Im such a bad parent that I cant take one diaper off and put another one on, without pausing for 3 minutes to place this cup over my babys crotch, just in case!
So that is my current list. This was so enjoyable that I may from time to time - continue the search. Thank goodness for Ebay, it provides HOURS of entertainment for the world!