I am only posting this for helpful feedback, not in an effort to throw my ward member under the bus :)
So I don't usually leave church on Sunday feeling bad about myself, but today was an odd day. There was a situation with a ward member that caused me to shed a few shameful tears during 3rd hour, and Im am contemplating what I should do....
So Brigitte is nearing 18 months old - which means the blessed event of attending Nursery is upon us. I was told a few weeks ago that I could start bringing her in and staying with her to ease her transition in with the other kids. So after an atrocious Sacrament Meeting, I joyfully walked Brigitte over to nursery.
She went running right in and started playing with all the toys and pretty much never looked back. I thought - WONDERFUL! She couldnt care less if I left her here! (Brigitte is NOT the shy type so I wasnt nervous about leaving her). I asked the teacher if I needed to stay, and she said, I dont think so - It looks like she's great. So I walked out and watched from the window in the door. Sure enough, Brigitte didnt even look up from her legos.
I was chatting with a few of my friends in the hall, and before heading to Gabes Sunday School class he teaches I walked back over to nursery to check in. Brigitte was playing and doing fine and the teacher gave me a big ok sign and shoo'd me away with a smile on her face. So I went to class.
And then 10 minutes later a ward member opened the door to the class and stood there and very angrily told me that Brigitte was crying and that I needed to remove her IMMEDIATELY, as she was NOT ALLOWED to be unattended in Nursery before she was 18 months old, and that I was not a special exception to this rule. This person was FUMING with anger towards me. The sunday school class had about ten 17 & 18 year olds in it, half of whom were my Laurels. They all sat there completely shocked at what they were seeing and hearing.
I quickly got up and walked out of the room being escorted by this person back to the nursery, the whole way being loudly told THE RULE and that Brigitte was very upset that I had left her. I kept saying how sorry I was, I understand, I was told I could leave her, I didnt know it was a RULE, I thought I needed to stay only if she was struggling, etc. On we walked and on she kept repeating her angry words. I was SO HUMILIATED and embarrassed!!!! She would not even acknowledge my attempted apologies.
I opened the door to nursery and the teachers both looked at me apologetically. Brigitte was not crying, but had a goose egg on her cheek/eye from a rogue lego bucket that she had fallen on. One of the teachers was apologizing to me and saying she was sorry Brigitte had gotten hurt, but that she had been having lots of fun and it hadnt even phased her that I had left her there - when the ward member who had retrieved me loudy said, WEll she was crying when I was here last, and then she went and sat in the corner of the room.
I was apologizing profusely and the ward member sat there fuming in the corner. Anyway, long story short I had to go to Young Womens so I picked up Brigitte and left. When I walked back in to our Sunday School class to pass Brig off to Gabe everyone was talking about how rude that person had been, and how mad they were at them for yelling at me. I was so awkward because I myself was really upset at how it was handled but I was trying to be a good nice person and say well I didnt know I wasnt allowed to leave her, and It was my fault, etc. But it was a very awkward and inappropriate situation for them all to witness.
I went on to Young Womens and a found out the same exact thing had happened to my friend who had also dropped her daughter off and been yelled at in the hallway. We are both non-confrontational people and so we were sort of shocked at this persons behavior - and were trying to process how we should have reacted. We both wanted to apologize to smooth it over, but frankly, I was scared of the person and didnt want to go have another angry conversation. So I went in to YW. ( I found out later today that my friend did in fact go to apologize, but that it was NOT received well and the person continued to repeat why she was so upset by what had happened.)
As I sat there, of course I started to feel like a terrible mother and person and so I started to get emotional over how frustrated I was (...and even shed a few embarrassing tears. Im not usually a crier over such stupid things, but I really felt humiliated! And Im pregnant, so there is my excuse.) I left church and ran to the car as quickly as I could feeling silly for being upset, but angry too at having been treated so rudely by a ward member.
What gets me, is that this person would NEVER have spoken to any other moms the way we were spoken to. We were treated like misbehaving children who had been caught doing something unforgivable. There was NO respect for our feelings or even an awareness about how inappropriately they were blowing up the situation. We got yelled at, and because we are young moms, apparently this person felt OK inflicting their wrath on us. My friend made the comment that its a good thing we arent new ward members or that could have ended our church attendance!
So I came home and went to bed. Woke up - STILL Frustrated! I wanted to confront this person and explain how their behavior had humiliated me and how inappropriate it was for anyone to speak to anyone that way in church of all places, and that it was a ridiculous thing to be THAT angry over in the first place... but instead I am blogging about it.
Because Brigitte will have to go in to nursery in a few weeks. And I will continue to have this persons daughter with me in Young Womens. And to thicken the plot Gabe might even be their home teacher....So the LAST thing I want to do is have a confrontation with them. Plus you know how it is in church. Ill probably be called to serve with them in some capacity in the future, and how awkward would that memory be?
So my question is this: What do I do?
Ignore it and let it be their anger problem? Act like it never happened? Call them on the phone? What should I have done? Im sure there was a better way to handle it in the moment, so I want to be sure I handle it right after the fact. I dont want bad feelings at church, and right now there is some definite anger there. So tell me....what do I do?
And how was all of your Sundays?! On a very happy giddy positive note...we will get our GENDER ENVELOPE tomorrow morning at our big ultrasound!! I am so excited to get to see the baby - when it actually LOOKS like a baby! Christmas Morning I will post what we are having after we open the surprise! Id love a boy...but Im thinking PINK! I cant believe it is here already!