Monday, February 21, 2011

Murphys Laws

Of the Stomach Flu.....

  1. Your child will always get the flu about an hour after you go to bed. Never in the morning. ALWAYS when you are sleepy and therefore compromised in your reaction time.
  2. The throwing up will be violent and far spread. Always.
  3. It will occur in their newly laundered bedding. And soak clear through to the mattress that was somehow left without a mattress protector on it. 
  4. As soon as you get your child cleaned up and out of the tub - they WILL throw up again. And wipe their mouth with their hair. 
  5. The sick child will cry until you cave in out of sleep deprivation and utter insanity - and let them sleep in your bed. Where they WILL...throw up. 
  6. If you drape your child with big huge bath towels, layered with waterproof pads in an effort to save your down comforter from the said throw-up...they WILL manage to find some unprotected area with their next sea of vomit. 
  7. Eventually you will attempt to train your child to throw up in a bowl of some kind. Which they cannot (or will not) ever accomplish.
  8. As soon as morning appears and you have convinced yourself that "they look fine", along with, "it must have been just a 24 hour bug", and you cave in and give them breakfast.....They WILL throw up again. 
  9. Why have one kid with the flu...when you can have TWO?!
2 kids. 30 gallons of vomit. 25 loads of laundry. about 3 hours of sleep. And Monday finally came. I am proud to report that absolutely no throwing up has taken place in the last 24 hours. Is there anything worse than barfing kids? I think not. 

I may never serve them chocolate milk again in their lives. 


Erin said...

oh snap this sounds all so delightful. But it all sounds about right....well from what i hear. Im happy to hear the bug is gone and you are vomit free.

Emily said...

All I can do is shake my head. It's awful. So awful. I'm really sorry.

kecia said...

it really is the worst! I hope you are over it now!

Sherry Bobbins said...

I'm so sorry! I remember the days of sleeping (I use that term loosely - because we all know noone gets any sleep) with you on a great big towel along with the puke bowl sitting nearby (and you're right - it hardly ever caught anything - but gave me a little comfort just knowing it was there) and bottles or sippy cups full of jello water and baby aspirin. I'm glad those days are over. I shudder at the memories.