At Fred Meyer the other week I was pushing around my two wild toddlers dangerously close to naptime. They were slightly whiney but not more than usual - and definitely not to the embarrassing "abandon your cart and leave" stage yet. When out of the blue over in the produce section a fifty-ish woman grabbed my arm, and with her eyes motioning to my pregnant belly said, "Im SO sorry". She did a little laugh as if to say, yeah WOOPS! I know you didnt mean for THAT to happen so soon right?!!! It was so awkward and humiliating. Had I just been called a HUSSY? Yes. Yes I had.
Ironically, I get this ALL the time. Having to awkwardly JUSTIFY the number of children I have, and how close together they are. It started with getting pregnant on our honeymoon, and everyone giving us the "didnt anyone explain birth control to you" lecture. It made me furious. For the record Yes people. I know how it works.
I just...get tired of explaining that I WANT a big family. I WANT all these kids! Guess what? I LIKE them! The best thing we ever did for Brigitte was to give her a little brother to play with. But It flat out offends me when people ask me how MANY MORE we are planning on having. As if we have somehow produced demon offspring and they are desperate to make us put an end to it!
Even more awkward than the "How many are you having" speech, is the "Was that planned??" speech. Oh. My. Heck. I hate feeling like i have to justify that Brigitte and Spencer are only 21 months apart, and Spencer and this baby will only be 18 months apart. I hate explaining that I do not in fact suffer from a mental impairment resulting in my having 3 kids, aged 3 and under. I might get stressed out when I think about the reality of what it will require to raise these children in a swearing free manner - but would I rather be doing something else? No. This is what I have always wanted to do. I spent years nannying and being a nurse for OTHER peoples kids, and now for petes sake I just want to ENJOY my own kids!
So let me just put this out there. We arent done. They are planned. And so help me, I am not going to plan my pregnancies around what is comfortable for others around me to tolerate!!!! Maybe if I were on some type of assistance or if there was some crazy ethical concern (Nadya Suleman anyone?) THEN you might be allowed to judge me. But to just walk right up and look at my two kids and CRITICISE me for having them??? Just who do you think you are?
Whew! It feels good to let that out!
5 comments:
I LOVE your honesty! I have the opposite problem. Mine are 4 years apart and my next will be close to 3 if all goes as planned and I get the speech about waiting too long... I guess there is no "right" way to do it.
Ha so funny. We are in exactly the same boat and all of our kids were planned too. We need to keep on the same schedule since our kids are the same ages, it's great. I was holding Gabby in one arm and Corbin's hand in the other walking into Costco months ago and some guy was like "you've got your handsful" in a very condescending way. Ha, he didn't even know I was already pregnant with baby number 3. Whatever dude!
i LOVE it!!! it IRKS me sooo much when people judge us about how long we were married before we had jax!!!!! we got soooo many judgemental comments ... "why are you waiting so long" etc....it is a PERSONAL decision, people!! oh my!!! i love this post!!! you go girl! and i say yay for you!!! your kids are lucky that they are close in age AND that they have such a good momma!!! :)
seriously LOVE this post! I am getting it all the time lately when people see me with Mia and Bree and then find out I am expecting twins. Someone the other day said "you are crazy" and luckily someone else standing nearby said "no you are not crazy, you are lucky". whenver people ask if I am freaking out about having twins I say, well obviously I freak out at the logistics of it, but no, actually I am really excited because after all our struggles to have another child I feel blessed! I also love when people say "you've got your hands full" like I don't already know that?!! Anyway, if only people would just judge others less right? You be proud of your babies and enjoy being their momma!!!!love you!
lol. Try having 3 under 2 1/2.
I think my new response is..."Ya, we just like to have sex".
I mean, that should shut them up right!?
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