Seriously, my verbal filter is no longer intact, and it was barely there to begin with, lets be honest! My emotions are slightly less stable than the old 'house built on sand' metaphor. To quote Paul from Juno "Im the meanest wife ever. "
I feel HUGE. Like a 'Planet'. And it doesnt help that I crave weird things and MUST eat them. Right now Im on some crazy Indian food kick. Chicken tikka masala and naan bread. I could drink the sauce its so delicious. Last night I made Gabe take me to get some ( he gags at the mere mention of curry) and like the sweet serving husband he is, he obediently drove me there. I got home and opened it up, got ready to feast - and took a bite of FIRE. I ordered mild WHITE GIRL sauce, and they gave me full fledged LOCAL GIRL flavor. It seriously tasted like an arranged marriage. But, because the high maintenance baby demanded it, I ate it anyway. I have to say, I was secretly hoping it would give me terrible diarrhea (damn this constipation!)...but alas, it only provided the typical flaming heartburn. Figures.I dont know if this is a pregnancy thing, or maybe its somehow exhaustion related - but I dream about the weirdest things. Im never a dreamer, and usually insomnia/sleep deprivation keeps me from sleeping long enough to let my brain get imaginitive...but somehow lately its like I wake up feeling like I just left the 'lifetime for women' movie theater. I mean, these are really really terrible dreams. Bad plot, stupid unrealistic situations, and a really emo heroine with bad hair. Like I dream the baby is born and they convince me to give it to my sister, because I really dont know what im doing! I also dream a lot that my sister gets caught breastfeeding my baby (shes also pregnant right now) and my whole family thinks its fine and im LIVID! Its just like that movie "the hand that rocks the cradle". I guess I probably have a lot of subconscious anxieties about being the worst mother in the world and having to be fully responsible for a baby! Its pretty hillarous. And Im always so relieved when I wake up ready to pee my pants and realize the baby is still safely trapped in my body and I wont have a chance to ruin it for another 5 1/2 months!
I keep telling people this is the first and last baby im ever having, and im 90 percent serious. Especially since this is my 3rd pregnancy. I want to make it really awful on Gabe so he never never makes me go through this again. But the truth is, I am actually feeling physically a little better. At least Im not actively vomiting anymore, and the nausea has lulled to a mild roar. I still think everything stinks and 'tastes gamey', but as long as I eat a macdonalds hamburger every day (i know i know - judge me, its disgusting!) I do pretty good. Id really love to adopt the next 2 or 3 kids so im hoping if i have a really super traumatic/disgusting birth it just might scar Gabe enough to let me have my way :) Im pretty sure once he sees me push out our giant starving manchild he'll agree with me. Or maybe by some smalll miracle, Ill be gifted a heavy dose of pregnancy amnesia. I could use some of that now actually!